* If he preaches longer than ten minutes, he's long-winded.
* If he preaches less than ten minutes, he's not prepared.
* If he owns a car, he's worldly; if he doesn't, he's always late for appointments.
* If he tells a joke at Mass, he's flippant; if he doesn't, he's too serious.
* If he starts the service on time, his watch must be fast.
* If he's a minute late, he's keeping the congregation waiting.
* If he takes a holiday, he's never in the parish.
* If he doesn't, he's a stick in the mud.
* If he runs a gala or bazaar, he's money hungry,
* if he doesn't, there's no social life in the parish.
* If he has the church painted and redecorated, he's extravagant.
* If he doesn't, he doesn't care that the church is shabby.
* If he's young, he's inexperienced. If he's old, he ought to retire.